Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
