The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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