Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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