Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
