At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
