Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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