Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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