yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
