I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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