problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
