dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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