Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
