I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
