SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
