Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
