New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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