I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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