I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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