If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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