no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
bring money and cleavage
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
