well you can't waste a boner
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
