drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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