On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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