Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
