It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
