theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
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I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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