Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
