Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
