It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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