Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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