I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
