So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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