The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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