3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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