remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
