What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i will never coherently bang her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
