Yo dont text me then not text me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
