just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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