Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
