yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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