that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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