I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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