saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
