My balls are so social today.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
