Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
