let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
