the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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