Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
