How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh god it's open bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
