sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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