This girl is more easily done than said...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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