From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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