You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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