Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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