listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
