Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
