The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
