Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
