I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
