mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
