So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
