did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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