your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
