No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
