I wanna bring you to show and tell
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
