I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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