if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize