Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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