I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
