did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
