Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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