hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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