dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
