does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
